Sometimes I wonder if I need an alterego like NH. I told NH the other day how I've become to despise Mindful Trinkets for the way she is. He understood well he too is in the same boat as moi.
I've begun to feel restricted, tied down and cautious about my words in MT. Simply being, my readers are people who know me in person (almost all of them at least).
While writing is meant to liberate the mind and soul, I am stuck to this "squicky clean" (ok, may NOT so clean) image in MT. So yup, MT sounds so empty now, in case you haven't noticed. It lacks the most important ingredient I like in a blog: brutal honesty.
Like Ed in NH, Ed does not equal NH. So does mlle linie not equal MT.
MT is too subtle. Everything is meshed, nice and cosy and even if the world is tumbling down, it's just too rosy for me. In fact it's the more cheerful side of the real mlle linie. Sometimes even a pretense of it.
So in all honesty, let me share with you 3 things you may not know about mlle linie:
1) People see her as a source of inspiration, strength and character when half the time she's not even sure what she's doing.
This part of her puzzles me. For example, she'd been told in a course by 20 over people that they admire her risk taking behaviour, and they'd wished they'd the same courage as her. Thing is, these people had a choice of 80 other people to tell them the trait they find most desirable, but almost a quarter of them chose mlle linie.
Ni memang aku tak paham sampai sekarang..
Her advise to them was, "WTH just do it lah." Of course, that stunned them because they just didn't get it. *Sigh*
2) She's a workaholic, torn between career and personal life.
Now THAT, is on of her bigger problems because she just can't get both life and career balanced on a scale. Balance is never her middle name. It's all or nothing, her way or the highway. Extreme is her DNA. Period. So feel free to fill between the lines.
3) She's an extremely bad listener, but people keep coming for her advise anyway. Mostly older people.
She's known as a problem offloader to some friends, yet there are people who'd confide in her. Ignorance is her greatest flaw (or bliss, depending on situations).
Sometimes she wonders if she's got potential in psychology - to psycho analyse herself and other people.
Perhaps someday she'll open a therapy centre for people who are as mentally sick as her. Hah!
So there. That's just the tip of the iceberg. Maybe I'll start my alterego somewhere. That shall remain a mystery.
God knows I really tried. Friends who know me know that too.
Stress has eaten me up like cancer and I don't think I'll get out of it soon. Not even a day trip to PD or Genting can cure this one.
So I'd be honest with you one thing - I'm tired with everything and everyone who want a piece of me. Work, people, errands, commitments, health and all have took its toll on me. Maybe it's just me being perasan or putting the weight of the world on my shoulders but seriously, this time it's different. Perhaps one day, I'll spill the details, but right now, I just don't feel like it.
I define this is as accumulated stress. To some extent, I don't know what's causing it anymore or what started this pandemonium. So I've come to an ultimatum - to pick myself up and clean up. I won't be in the blogging scene that much either.
I'll see you soon, as always.
Much love.
Everytime I see my reflexologist, I would scream in pain when she massages the balls of my feet. Thankfully, her diagnosis on the pain is not something serious (i.e. migrain, diabetes or stuffs like that) but they are caused by excessive usage of high heels. I must admit it, physical vanity is so imbued in me, I wouldn't want to downgrade myself over flats.
However, I do realise that age is catching up with me, and wearing heels all the time is no good. It can cause scoliosis, back pain etc., if I'm not careful. So, I've decided to lower my cards and went shopping for flats.
To find one, I always apply my NiCe A! principle:
1) Nice looking (notice looks always comes first. :D)
2) Comfortable (yes, I am getting old'er')
3) Affordable (if they are all the above, money should come last)
I was at Ikano Powerhouse yesterday and ran by Crocs. Crocs footwear designs were (still are for some) very, very ugly:
I do admit that despite their hideous designs, the so-called revolutionary materials used for their shoes are extremely comfortable, it's like walking on soft rubber. I decided to pay Crocs a visit anyway, with hopes that they'd come up with nicer designs. So here's what I bought:
Lovely ey?
Even lovelier with my feet in 'em. :D.
My verdict? Its heavenly comfort and cute designs made my good RM119 spent for shoes + RM16 for flower studs worthwhile. I am now officially a very happy Crocs customer cum partisan. :)
Manusia yang cantik, cantik itulah kamu
Kata yang indah, indah itulah kamu
Alam yang nian, nian itulah kamu
Kamu cantik, indah, nian tetapi lemah
Mudahnya lerai bagai sarang labah-labah
Mudahnya hanyut dalam arus lembah
Meskipun lemah kamu sempurna
Adunan intipati secukup rasa
Untuk diriku yang serupa
Dengan kamu wahai teruna
Dedicated to the one who opened my heart to the many possibilities in life I've overlooked for many years.
Seriously.
I noticed I'm currently stressed out because of the little (okay, maybe not so little) things in my life. Like a snowball effect I'm now a walking time bomb waiting to explode my brains off.
Here are signs if I'm super stressed out:
1) dire need to play PC games at least for more than 8 hours (I'm a nerd and a PC game addict)
2) not answering sms/calls except from family and better half
3) excessive facebooking as means of escapism from work related stress
4) dreading to go to work in the morning with uncontrollable desire to take MC or EL
5) snapping
6) desire to remain cooped in my room more than 24 hours except to get food from fridge
7) screwing up my grammar (weird, I know, but it's a sign, a bad, bad sign of super stressed!)
Guess I'll have to wait for another week before I can seriously detox. If only there is a beach nearby my house right now.
PD will do for next week. Can't wait!
Before I had my MyVi, I took public transport to work. Being in public practice, it was a great hassle to me, considering that my clients are everywhere from Cyberjaya to KLCC. Late working nights didn't help me either.
After two years of taking taxis to head home, I learnt a few things about Malaysian Taxis (especially KL ones).
Lesson 1: Some taxis cheat the meters
If the taxi driver press the aircond button: from on to off and on again, he/she is accelerating the meter. Some pressed the radio buttons the same way.
The buttons are linked to meter accelerators, usually located underneath the dashboard (if you are (un)lucky to see one). If you caught them using accelerators, it's your call to take the cab or not.
Lesson 2: Some taxis are cut throats
Never take idle taxis in front of KLCC bus stop. Always hail for those who are actually dropping customers. The touting ones will charge you RM10 from KLCC to Bukit Bintang. Worse still RM30 from KL to Damansara (metered fare is usually around RM15-RM17).
Foreigners get this treatment very often, so my advice to foreigners is try to blend into the local scenario as much as you can. Wearing baju melayu/kurung is a good idea. :D
Lesson 3: Some taxis just won't take you in
The worst time to catch a cab is during peak hours. During these times, taxi drivers are picky about where they are willing to go.
If you have been turned down by a few taxis, forget about getting one. Instead, take the LRT, commuter or bus or extend your shopping spree until peak hours are over. :)
Lesson 4: Some taxis are nice
If you like the taxi driver, get his/her number, especially useful if you are a regular. Call them when you need to go long distances such as the airport.
Lesson 5: Some taxis car pool
My advice is - get in at your own risk.
Back then, I didn't usually join the taxi pool unless I was desperate. Normally, I'd first see if the passengers looked like decent people. After I finally decided to get into one, I applied lesson no. 7 more rigourously.
Lesson 6: Kereta sewa are NOT the same as budget (red and white) taxis
Kereta sewa charges you higher, especially when you are desperate. They don't usually use meters.
Lesson 7: Finally, safety first
If you have no choice but take a cab late at night, call your parents/spouse/friends while you are GETTING INTO* or IN THE CAB*. Tell them the 3 digit taxi code and the taxi company name (e.g. Supercab, Sunlight, Saujana Taxi etc). The 3 digit taxi code is usually displayed on a windscreen sticker.
If the cab is not attached to any taxi company (i.e. individual taxis**), give details - name of the driver (displayed at front) and the plate number.
Why the 3 digit code? Taxi companies' phone operators do not track their taxi drivers using number plates. Instead they use the 3 digit code. If anything happened to you, God Forbid, it's easier for your parents/spouse/friends to find you because the operators are able to find out the driver details using the 3 digit code.
They can still find you using number plates, only that the process is slower as they can only check with admin during office hours.
*: Just so you can psycho the driver in case he/she was thinking anything funny.
**: Some individual taxis are attached to Supercab, Sunlight etc to get customers. They pay operator services rental every month. Check out for the sticker to be sure.
So there. I hope you'll beat the smarter taxis by being smarter yourselves. :)
Gossips about local artists is not my usual thing, but I can't help but indulge in this Mawi-Ikin hype. I got some pictures through email on these folks going to kursus kahwin (pre-marraige course). Not that I envy them or anything, I just don't get it why they have to make such a big issue out of it.
Worse still, notice that these people get royal treatment? They are the only ones seated with a table. The rest are given second class treatment.
Just because they are a celebrities, do we really need to present marraige life on a silver platter?
I just don't get it. Do you?
November 05, 2008*
In this 111th post, I was about to write about something more meaningful, close to my heart. Time will unveil this mystery, someday. Meanwhile, today is about death. This is the storytelling version of When Death Comes I wrote a while back.
Have you almost kissed death? I did. At least I think so.
There I was in the emergency bay with an excrutiating pain on my forehead - like a thousand needles piercing through its veins. Such pain made the wait for a doctor's attention seemed like forever.
When my name was called, they escorted me to a bed that I've been needing to lie on for the past 15 minutes or so. While being drowned with pain, they had to do the most annoying thing to me - asking for my credit card to pay RM2,000. If I had a heart attack, I'd probably die hearing the amount already.
Lesson no. 1: Never max out your credit card. You'll never know when you'll need the extra credit for emergencies like this (especially checking into a private hospital).
Then I heard a familiar voice. It was mom. I was relieved beyond words. In times of emergency, I hated being alone.
"Sakit apa Ni**?"
"Kepala sakit macam nak tercabut ni."
The last thing I heard was the MO's voice, "The worst case could be brain tumour."
***
Flashes of light woke me up for a while. It was probably MRI machines scanning through me at that time. The last thing I remembered was falling into slumber again.
My recollections were already failing me.
***
The bright sun woke me up with a heavy feeling on my head.
It's been a while since I've been in a ward. The last time I've checked into one when I was 10, for constipation. Constipation was be a big thing to endure for a little kid like me back then.
I realised my hands were strapped to a drip limiting my movements. Quietly I turned on the TV, bored as hell.
The show was so boring, I began to drown in my thoughts of death.
Worst thing could happen was I die or better still, become blind while I was at it. The thought of meeting angel of death sent chills down my spine. Alas, death always seemed so far away, was really coming for me.
Images flashed before me, family, debts, friends, and finally my own sins. I wondered if I'd ever had time to atone to all my wrongdoings during this short stint of life.
Then, a knock on the door distracted me from deathly thoughts.
"So, how are you? It's the first time we are meeting. I'm Dr N. I'm a neurosurgeon."
"Hi." I replied, meekly.
"According to your MRI scan you have your left sinus blocked. It's so blocked that the mucous has created a pressure to your veins, hence, the pain. I'm referring to you an E&T speacialist, Dr A."
So much for the tumour scare huh?
Relieved was an understatement. Enthralled I was, knowing I'd have another chance in life. Wait, not that I was dying anyway, but if felt like a second chance in life.
"I need you to stay in the ward for a couple of days, so I can check on your progress. Other than that, you take care. See you tomorrow."
"Ok Doc."
Lesson no. 2: Never believe what the MO says when it comes to severe cases. Always refer to the expert!
to be continued....
*: I'm still figuring out how to make the dates appear. Any tips guys?
**: This is what my mom calls me.