Goodbye MT

I've officially moved using a pseudonym. So, if you are interested, email me and I shall give you the new blog address. Thanks guys.

norlinie[at]gmail.com

Hakikatnya, MT = Empty

Dulu NH pernah cakap ngan aku, kalau dah tak emo, blog jadi boring. Aku rasa, aku pun dah sampai ke tahap tu. So, kalau korang rasa blog in boring pun aku tak kesah. 

Sebenarnya aku dah terima hakikat, aku dah takde modal sangat nak cerita kat MT.

Nak citer pasal problem pun, adala jugak. Tapi aku dah takde perasaan sangat kat mende ni semua. Pelik tapi benar.  

Nak kata life aku perfect pun, jauh sekali. Tapi aku belajar hidup dengan hakikat itu. Hakikat yang paling besar aku dah terima dalam hidupni ialah, aku takkan tahu segalanya. Dan apa yang aku tahu mungkin tak betul langsung hakikatnya. Otak manusia ni terhad, kadang kita fikir complicated sangat pun, hakikatnya amatlah mudah dan simple.

Contohnya, kekadang, first impression kita kat orang jauh panggang dari api. Nama pun manusia, kadang-kadang situasi sebalik satu perkenalan ada banyak faktor lain yang menggangu kita. Nampak sombonglah, pendiam sangatlah dsb. Tapi yang herannya, masa kecik-kecik, takde pulak kita ada masalah macam ni. Tanpa banyak soal kita boleh pulak main ngan bebudak lain kita jumpa kat park, sandbox and monkey bars. Kenapala bila kita dah dewasa kita buat life kita complicated? Aku rasa sebab kita manusia ni dah melalui perjalanan yang berbeza-beza. Ada yang fobia semacam. Asal orang tak kenal datang dekat je kata perompak. Ada pulak yang fikiran cetek, contohnya, kalau tak pakai beemer jangan harap nak aku tegur. Banyak orang banyak ragam. Itulah hakikatnya.

Contoh lain, dalam hal membuat keputusan. Ada keputusan yang kita buat, pada luarannya mungkin baik, tetapi hakikat dalamannya mungkin tak baik. Ada juga kita terlepas peluang yang pada kasar mata kita, nampak yang terbaik. Lepastu mulalah menyesal tak sudah. Tak ke manusia tahu, kalau dia terlepas sesuatu peluang, mungkin dia terselemat dari masalah yang lebih besar (kecuali dalam hal taubat dan memberi atau meminta kemaafan yang aku rasa tidak boleh dimasukkan dalam kategori ni)?

Kesimpulannya, Just do it! Takyah fikir sangat, kalau nak fikir pun berpada-pada. Lain serah pada yang Esa.

Dah bunyik macam penceramah pulak. Lepasni, rasanya aku nak tumpukan perhatian kat blog baru sebab aku dah takde modal untuk MT sangat dah. Blog baru akan diumumkan kelak. Sekian.

MT = Empty. Or emptying in substance, drama and zest. Sad but true. 

Voyage Through Time

I admit, I have not written anything personal lately. A blog can be so controversial and public, it scares me to death if I do pen down anything too much for my own good. Yet, like a rebel who indulges in public self-expression, I can't help to hold back from updating MT. It's addictive, like smoking cigarettes that kills you through time. 

It has been many days since I've written anything fruitful - i.e. stories of good morality like the anecdote with Suhaili nor about the hardships of others like Ying Ying. In simple words, life has been very boring. Yet, there are plenty of internal reconciliation happening - about adulthood and letting go. Yes, I'm sound like an old cassette player playing over and over. Rest assured, years of major internal reconciliation is finally coming to an end now.

On another note, remember those two guys I mentioned to you about? I finally let go both of them. The first, I found myself waiting too long for an answer. It's tough when a man put his family first over his own choice (sounds familiar though, hmm..). I wonder if any girl, if he chooses to marry, could endure such predicament. The latter, well, my heart had a certain barrier for which I have long given up articulating about. The truth is, I don't know why or what happened with the second guy but we've remained very good friends. One thing I've come to realise is despite all the logical sense to be with that person, it just doesn't happen if your heart resents it. 

Anyway, I'm glad the second guy has found a new girl who appreciates him the way he is. For that, I wish him the best of luck. 

Life's moving on, so am I. Like a traveller through life, I'm venturing into newer things, far more exciting and painful at the same time. Rest assured, these things are very new to me and I'm so uplifted and ever so positive. 

If ever, I would want to note what saddens me is a tale of an old friend. To many, he is very well disliked for many reasons so subtle that I could hardly articulate. It ranges between saying the wrong things, and indulging in boasting, I mean, self praising talks. Nothing detrimental really, only to the speaker himself. Through time, I've been coping with these things coming from him. To me, they are unimportant because being with a friend is accepting his/her imperfections but to others, these qualities are rather the contrary and get in the way of forming any sincere relationship. 

One day, after having enough of hearing backstabbing comments and criticism from others, one of my besties and I decided to confront this friend of ours. Like to the selected few in our lives, we've given our loyalties, eyes and ears to this person, so we were hoping a certain display gratitude for this gesture in return. Sadly, we found ourselves wounded and shot down with defensive emotional ammunition which proves our effort futile. 

So, we have decided to leave him alone to venture into the hurts and pains of life so he'll learn the hardway. 

Frankly, I don't blame him. Given the turn of events lately (almost loosing his job, his girlfriend etc), he probably deserves to be that way. The only question is for how long and at what cost? 

It's one of those things I hate doing - just watching a person bound to crash and burn to ashes. Oh well, that's what friends are for. To love and care for someone is also to let him/her go. 

Maybe others are watching me doing the same. Wallahualam. 

Ramadhan

The glorious month is here. Wishing you all Selamat Berpuasa. May all our good deeds are accepted and blessed by Him and may we all prosper physically, mentally and spiritually during this holy month.

Maaf zahir dan batin if I've offended anyone.

ps: Happy to know that my Birthday coincides with 1st Ramadhan this year. Double blessing for me :)

Getaran Jiwaku Kerna Mu

Dedicated to you, you know who you are. And for listening pleasure of others too. :)

ps: It's recorded using handphone, hence, the sound quality is the way it is.

Getaran Jiwa.mp3 - Mlle Linie

Face Up

My bestie and I often indulge with our latest life stories, and gossips. It's a perfect simbiotic union - we can't live without being busybodies to each other.

Everything was well for both of us, but, our love lives (though being single has its perks). Her fate intertwined with an acquaintance from work. When she told me his age, I started to cringe a little. By the way, my bestie's 26 and that guy's 39. Initially, she was made to understand he had no children.

Being a bestfriend, it's part of the job to give that man she's seeing the benefit of the doubt. As time passed, things started to unfold.

We found that he's a divorcee. That didn't alarm us too much, except when it came to the kids part. His eldest kid, was 4 years our junior. The fact he didn't even tell her during the first few dates how "young" his kids were, was rather disturbing. It sounded plain fishy to me. It's either, he has had a bad experience about getting to know single-never-married women, so he tried to introduce the kid factor slowly into the dating scene or he just totally forgot that he did already.

The worse of all, she found out during dinner with his family members and they were talking about his daughters. Up until this point, she had no clue about it. It looked like she just opened a can of worms. Panic, she called me asking for "venting".

That guy denied any fault, naturally, he thought he actually told her. He didn't as far as my bestie's recollections, he never did. The damage (intentional or not) was done. He even had the guts and blamed her ignorance - I've been married so long, wouldn't you've guessed that I would have a kid or two? She could've been equally gullible.

What got me jumped was he introduced her to his entire family within a month of dating. Talk about desperado smelling signals (ding! ding!).

As much as I'd like to just listen, I couldn't help but look at the realities surrounding her.

The sequence of events were fishy. Knowing her mom, she would be totally against this (like all mothers would). If he does turn into a prospect, nobody likes having a stepmom in the first place, worse, someone as young as their friends. Not to mention dealing with the ex-wife's presence, emotional baggages from previous marraiges etc.

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against divorcees. Only in this case, I'd wished he was honest in the first place. Then again, there's more than what meets the eye but my gut says it's smells so wrong.

Oh well, a friend's got to do what a friend's got to. The last time I warned her about someone, they hooked up and broke up anyway.

It's such a pain to just watch sometimes. Let's just hope she knows what she's up against.

Kiasu

Harini aku cirit dekat 10 kali kut. Badan dah longlai, perut kosong sebab tanak makan (takut cirit lagi).

Pardon me for the details.

Dahla harini aku sebenarnya agak entitled gakla untuk MC, tapi disebabkan ade something yang agak urgent kat opis (bukan kerja aku pun sebenarnya tapi dah dipaksa rela), aku pun kerjalah jugak (dengan penuh kesakitan yang amat sangat bila perut tu memulas time meeting).

So, nak dipendekkan cerita, adala sorang rakan sekerja aku yang agak baik hati dan simpati ngan keadaan aku. Dia pun buatkan teh pekat supaya aku boleh la menahan sikit perut aku yang nak macam air paip tu lah kan.

Again, pardon me for the details. Detail ni agak penting gak untuk membuat pembaca di sini faham keadaan aku yang agak melarat pada ketika itu (ye, aku exaggerate sikit).

So, agak berkurangan jugalah kekerapan aku ke tandas selepas minum teh pekat tu. Dapatlah sedikit sebanyak aku tahan sakit perut dan kekerapan aku ke tandas time meeting tuh.

Lepas seharian berkerja, akupun nak lah balik awal. Semuanya dah settle tinggal kene tulis satu email followup request je yang sebenarnya bagi aku takdelah penting sangat. Macamla orang baca email time dah abis kerja, betul tak?

So aku pun cakaplah kat manager yang aku tengah tolong ni. Nak balik awal pasal sakit perut. Nanti malam aku draftkan email tu supaya dia boleh hantar esok pagi. Kalau buat keje kat rumah, tandas tu dekatlah sikit kalau aku nak berulang-alik kalau nak banding dengan jarak tandas ngan cubicle aku tuh.

Masa tu memang badan aku dah lembik longlai gila sebab dah cirit yang ke-5 kut time tu.

"Takpe, you draftkan je, tulis tangan pun takpe, nanti I type. Takut tak sempat esok pagi nanti."

Manager ni memang famous dengan tabiat dia suka pressure staff. Sekarang baru aku tahu kenapa dia ni selalu kene kutuk kat opis.

Hari ini sungguh malang tuk sicirit macam aku ni dapat manager dan timing baik punya kali ni. Nasib baik jugalah dia bukan bos aku. Kalau tidak, agaknya aku beranak pun kene tahan sebab email request kut. Nauzubillah, mintak simpang! Isk!

ps: Sebab aku baik, aku tulis gak email tu, secincai yang mungkin sebelum aku blah petang tadi.